I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
