put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
