How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
