Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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