I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
