he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
