I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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