So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
