I just made out with a guy for $7.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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