I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
