My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
