Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
