hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
