Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
