Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
