i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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