Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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