Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
