I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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