never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
