is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
