the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
