And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
