Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
