Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
