new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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