She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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