I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
