Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm both gender and math confused
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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