I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i've created a new STD.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
