All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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