U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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