i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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