This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
