Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
