but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
