Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
