Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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