11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Terrible idea I love it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
