I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
