You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
