Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
