just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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