I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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