sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
