you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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