Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
