Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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