Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
