just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
